I say I still love you
And you say you still love me.
But we are always lying.
Sometimes it’s me
And sometimes it’s you
But we both pretend we believe
so that we don’t hurt each other.
Someday our lies
Will catch up to us
And then who will we lie to?
It was the same road,
But a different direction.
It was the same words,
But a different intention.
When I look back
I find myself in contention
If all that ever was
my mind’s own creation.
It is not an easy replacement
of food over love.
While desserts are a delight to my tongue
(and so has your kisses),
And soup can warm my belly
(as your hand on it can do),
food will never pay me a compliment
or stare at me deliciously.
Falling in love with food is a one-sided affair…
which is what ours has become.
To be frank, it took a while
for me to be the Bigger person,
to acknowledge that the
part I played in our destruction
may have been small,
but that maybe it ate at you,
chip by chip.
And for a time, I just got so
tired of picking up the pieces
of our brokenness and
sweeping them under the
rug of my shame—
my shame of never having
to keep things whole, to
see every love story
play out to its worst ending.
But once I allowed myself to be happy
that you had found the person
who steadied your intrepid heart,
I realized that I could rest easier at night,
knowing one less broken-hearted soul
and hoping that when I finally get it right,
it will have all been worth it.
This is thing…I saw this coming
A mile away.
And yet, I chose to stay
It was all for wrong reasons
Masked as good intentions
Because I couldn’t make
The decision to break
Things off.
Maybe it was for my mom’s sake
And the dog’s too
And my friends’ dreams
Of what might have seemed
Like #goals.
Now that it’s over,
How hard to sweep under
All the hearts that we broke.
Nobody could have predicted it
Not even a crystal ball
I thought you’d always kiss my feet
In for the long haul
I certainly kept you on your toes
Took delight in your misery
How you lasted this long
Is certainly a mystery
I waved a carrot across your face
Tied it to a very long stick
I thought I had better options
Assumed I could have my pick
My friends didn’t fail to warn me
Playing with fire is unwise
But you seemed to be determined
To win my heart as the prize
I was speecheless when I realized
My heart’s been cheering for you all along
While my mouth mocked and teased you,
It was silently singing your love song.
And just when I was ready to surrender
You threw the towel in defeat
I am left with my heart in my hand
Eating my own conceit.
No bullshit, no backtalk
Let’s just take a walk.
No jokes, no banter
Don’t give me a cold shoulder.
Just tell me straight to my face
Why there is this space
That no amount of hand holding,
No cuddling, no body rubbing
Could erase.
And I fear
The close is near
Without me even knowing
What caused this gaping
space
Where do I start to trace
What went wrong
Or for how long
We will pretend
Until it all just ends…
Let’s talk, please.
